1. Incentive structure is the key
2. Money will not be enough
3. The problem is more fundamental
4. Most people can not even commit
5. And we have a global divorce epidemic
6. Everybody needs to calm the f… down
7. People need answers to want babies
8. We need to do better than influencers
9. We are on the Prodigal Son’s Journey
10. Our proposal for having more babies
Following observations are based on 15 years of helping people. I have consulted over 1 000 individuals, came to intimately know their struggles, this is what I found.
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1. Incentive structure is the key
I have founded three communities, served as leader for over two decades, and my “big” learning is the obvious one: a community is defined by its rules, in essence a game.
I have also been a personal development mentor, consulted over 1000 people, and it is my provocatively formulated experience is that: Free will is a myth… Shocking as it may be: people do not really make decisions. Instead they move along the path of least resistance following incentive structures.
If we want more babies it is the incentive structure of our modern – individualistic / self centred (self absorbed / self adoring) – societies we need to change.
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2. Money will not be enough
The Hungarian PM had the right approach trying to shape the incentive structure for people, but his toolkit was limited to money.
Removing (lessening) the financial burden on people taking on children showed promising results, until the triple blow of COVID, the Ukraine War and inflation happened.
What Viktor Orbán does is not enough.
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3. The problem is more fundamental
There is a fundamental insecurity in modern western societies. The enlightenment (rule of the mind) removed belief (faith) as the ultimate answer. “In God We Trust” was made ridiculous, thus it was taken away, and a longing for something greater has replaced it.
“Science will eventually find answers…” means there is NO answer at this time for the fundamental questions. “How am I?”, “What is Life?”, “What is my Purpose?” – are all up in the air now. Without a reassuring answer there is a chaos of possibilities, there can not be human security. Without an ultimate answer people can trust they are clinging to material things (life), and are fundamentally insecure (threatened by death).
Thus we have (1) excess consumption, (2) abandonment of communities and (3) a growing mental health crisis in the world.
Self-centredness is self adoration. Self-centred consumption is gluttony. Individualistic people think they elevate their selves by positioning “freedom” into the center, but “freedom” is just code for Me. The individual put into the Center is overburdening humans, and eventually crushing-destroying. I know, because I have also done it.
Modern people are Lost in their heads, in the world of science, rationality and endless possibility without One Aim, One Purpose to enable Cooperation (thus community) and to give them Meaning and Stability.
It is not at all surprising, that they do not want babies. A baby is an expensive luxury in the modern world that limits their opportunities to please themselves. We are suffocating in self indulgence.
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4. Most people can not even commit
Most people have problems committing in the present situation, let alone having babies.
A person who does not have purpose, does not have a quest, does not have challenge… Without a challenge greater than us we can stumble along on our own, we do not NEED help to succeed, thus we do not NEED a mate and we do not commit.
It is my experience that only Purpose can cure that.
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5. We also have a global divorce epidemic
Based on over 1000 stories: a well functioning relationship does not only consist of a man and a woman. They also need a third participant. They also need he music they are both Passionate about, the Dance they want to dance, the Purpose they want to serve by teaming up – and sacrificing! – for a Project they want to achieve.
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6. Everybody needs to calm the f… down
Self adoring and/or lost adults worry (thus war!) about all things – climate, gender, politics – so we poison the life of our youngsters, worry their intellect to death recklessly. The next generation is suffering in the “developed” West. Dysfunctional marriages of their parents generation provide the worst possible example.
Young people are either stressed out and worrying about their future (wars, climate, elections) or self obsessed by way of stretching for career goals and hoarding money – longing for security they can not thus achieve. Either case: commitment is unlikely, and there is no place for a baby.
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7. People need answers to want babies
I do not see the point in citing researches – I am sure you can find a lot regarding this issue. Thriving toward a worthy purpose gives life its meaning. Meaning-less people are aim-less, can not achieve fulfilment, thus can not experience their worth, can not be proud of themselves. Life devoid of meaning is unhappy. Unhappy people do not want to bring children into this world. Not even if we bribe them with money.
People – a people – can overcome / endure severe challenges if we have Purpose, a Worthy Focus, like the British had in the second world war. Westerners do not now have one. We lost it to individualism rooted in rationality, resulting in hedonism. We demoted the Common Purpose christianity used to provide from the highest shelf, and replaced it with our own selves. It is my observation, that western societies are literally running the course of the Prodigal Son’s Journey – it is me-me-me time, we are at the middle of it.
This is the bad news. Good news is that – extrapolating what I have experienced in hundreds of individual human stories to the societal level – rock bottom is not far away.
The best way to reassure a person is by explaining the situation in a way they understand AND to show a way forward. Stressed out people need explanations, reassuring, hope – that only other people can provide.
We need each other, as it has been for millennia.
Hence the rise of influencers…
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8. We need to do better than influencers
Influencers (and populists politicians) give people easy solutions to complicated problems – they tell other people what they should think (how others are at fault), instead of the much more difficult task of facing their challenges honestly, taking responsibility bravely and putting in the enduring good work to overcome fear.
One can complain how influencers stole our children, but it would be high time we faced reality: the truth is we throw them into their hands ourselves by not providing example they could follow, explanations they could believe in, community they can rely on.
The way to crush influencers (and get back our young ones and the naive adults we lost) is the same is has been since the dawn of time: Community. Around exemplary men.
The best way to reassure a person is by explaining the situation in a way they understand AND to show a way forward by example WITH milestones they feel they are able to achieve AND relevant help to rely on.
This only loving community can achieve.
Real (abiding by what is Right) and functional (loving) communities provide much more than influencers can ever hope to achieve: trustworthy role models and real human help – the kind only real transparency, true vulnerability and brave imperfection can empower.
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9. We are on the prodigal son’s journey
If we want more babies it is the incentive structure of our modern – individualistic / self centred (= self absorbed / self adoring) – societies we need to change.
It is my observation that there are two types of incentives in operation we need to take into consideration. External ones, that are quite obvious – and internal ones that are much more difficult to unearth and change.
Without meaning, there is no happy life.
Without experiencing usefulness, there is no meaning.
Without sacrifice, there is no usefulness.
Without overcoming self-centredness, there is no sacrifice.
Without worthy goal, there is no overcoming self-centredness.
Without better understanding life, there is no worthy goal.
Without help from the more experienced, there is no understanding.
Real understanding comes from experience.
Humans can not be happy taking orders. We need to experience the good and the bad first to make up our own mind about what is right – to find Truth. Then we can discover Purpose. After facing the shadow of our soul.
So…
It is my big discover, that to discover Purpse people first need to experience the antithesis of purpose: the darkness of their souls, the desert of their desires, the loneliness of self-centredness.
My greatest learning of my 50 years is that without the experience of true Darkness a person can not discover (chose!) the Light.
This is why most preachings of most religions fall on the wayside.
People are not ready, they can not truly embrace the teachings – however true they are – if they do not have the supporting experience of the darkness within, being lost as the prodigal son, that results in the suffering of aimless (self centred / self adoring-obsessed) loneliness.
The Task is to help people
- embrace/allow being Prodigal (Selfish) first (!!)
- help them see self-centredness as the root of their suffering
- provide easy access to exemplary people and Community
It is my experience that people can not be helped to turn. Either they are selfish enough to suffer enough, to see the Light, and to give Up control of their life – or they need to suffer more, be more selfish to achieve the unique level of individual pain, where they give up.
With other words: we have to contemplate that The Creation really is perfect . „The Devil is our ally”, in a sense, for the darkness is needed, it has its valuable function – people need to reach their personal rock-bottom to abandon their own plans, and give up to God. Thus „the Devil also is part of the plan, does the work for God”.
People need to Experience their personal Hell – just like the prodigal son – before they can give up, and embrace The Way, The Truth, The Life – the path shown by Jesus.
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10. Our proposal for changing our world
Self-centredness is an addiction, much like alcohol and drugs.
We need a Self-Centredness Anonymous, much like Alcoholics Anonymous, on a global stage, where the first step is facing the truth about our lives.
Modern society is on the Prodigal Son’s Journey.
We need to share our experiences to help each other move.
We need
- explanation of The Journey
- mentoring for all
- groups and meet-ups to connect
Solution is to not be alone.
NOBODY should be alone!
We need to motivate people to use each otters’ experiences.
To achieve this we have started a US startup:
HUMANIA is a MENTORING platform
WRAPPED IN social gaming
to LURE people INTO finding meaning.
Our first game on the Humania platform is EGO YOGA, that is exactly about traversing The Journey
- into the Dark Forest of our Soul, that is the Bottomless Lake of our Desires
- to experience, face, integrate (!) our Shadow, that is the Burning Bush
- to find our Purpose, the Place in God’s Plan he invited us to occupy
- build Community to Learn from elders, and Help the one’s behind us
The EGO YOGA game uses the Map of The Prodigal Journey. It is a much more detailed n evolution of the widely acclaimed Hero’s Journey, supported by 20 years of consulting experience, 700 videos and 2 books:
People in this game are
- empowered to happily advance through 12 stages towards Place & Meaning
- help each other with their experiences advance on the Journey
- can organise groups and design Challenges/Quests
- can earn money by helping each other
- find mates, get married
- produce babies
The 12 leveles of the EGO YOGA game are as follows:
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Do connect!
I sincerely thank you for reading this essay – humbly pray you were touched and utterly hope you feel the urge to help us achieve our Purpose and/or just to get in touch & talk.
Check out Humania:
› beta version is in Hungarian
› English comes in November
› Investor Deck for Seed Round is in English
› Nemzeti Családszolgálat [HU] can be built on it
About me:
› stevejoos.com
› joosistvan.com
Contact:
› steve@humania.io
› +36206192074
Öröm, ha megosztod!
